Dragonflies, Butterflies & Lady Bugs

And So, Here We Are

All right, so here's where we are... looking for a good marriage counselor. And Jeff's peppershooting his resume on Monday. No more hang-ups. No more being paralyzed by guilt (him, not me). No more excuses about not being able to get a job. And I'm checking out bookstores again... it's a more comfortable fit for me right now. If I must work, at least I can have spiky plum hair and a nostril piercing.

Everything I wrote about is still there. We're going to work on it -- more to the point, Jeff is going to work on it -- and hopefully, things will turn out okay. As I said, I'm certainly not hoping for a separation or divorce, but I'm at the point of considering whether I do more harm than good by staying. The next few weeks will tell the tale. I don't say these things lightly, which is why it took so long for them to end up in this space.

Thank you, everyone, for supportive comments. I really appreciate them -- more than you know. I have lived most of my life with Jeff as the "heavy" or the "bad guy" because he is such an easy going guy and I am much more intense. Like most people, he has a shadow, and that's what we're facing. I have changed so much in the past five years that I imagine it's hard for him... so many patterns that used to function -- or is it dysfunction? -- are patterns I'm not willing to embrace anymore and with the attention that used to be trained on Jasmine's illness now focused elsewhere, it's hard to miss those patterns in our relationship. Enabling him to be less than he can be is not something I'm willing to do. And so, here we are.

Anyway, I wanted to update and move on a little. I've been thinking about a post on my fashion-ineptitude, but it didn't seem appropriate to write it without giving some stopping point on this other thing.

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