Dragonflies, Butterflies & Lady Bugs

Fair Communication

Great comments on last night's post and I appreciate them. I sometimes wish that Diaryland had a comments system like LiveJournal, where I could reply to the comments and have a threaded conversation about it. But I can't, so I'll attempt to do it a little bit in a post.

I do have another place to post that is "secret." My closest friends and loved ones know it exists -- heck, so do any strangers who really read this journal -- but they don't know the URL and I haven't published it. If I really need to let loose specifically about a person, that's where it happens. No holds barred there and I don't use names. Pretty anonymous.

I can't just tell people to stop reading this blog. For one thing, it would be like saying I'm going to write about them (even if I'm not) and who could resist that Pandora's Box? I probably couldn't, so I can't expect it of anyone else. I could lock it down, but then it becomes a game of who I give the password to and who I don't, and then some people might try to figure it out and blah, back to the same Pandora's Box -- that's not what I want for this forum. I invite people to come here -- that's the truth of it. I mention that I keep a blog online frequently when I talk about writing or when I talk about Jasmine and if someone is interested, I give them the URL. For me, that means I have a responsibility to engage in fair communication with them.

Sometimes I just want to work through what an interaction with someone triggers in me. I'm not going to go into details right now, but several things in the past few months have drudged up a lot of shit for me to deal with. And I have to say that not all of it is mine. I don't believe that every time something (or someone) rubs me the wrong way it's because I'm fucked up somehow. I think sometimes other people are fucked up too and the trick is in finding out what's mine and what's yours. That's where the tricky-tricky comes in, because if the person in question reads this journal and I'm coming to the conclusion that the problem isn't mine, then I have to do something with that information in a very public place. And even if I'm not interested in shaming, it can happen.

The other piece of this that is very relevant is that very well-meaning and supportive friends of mine -- both in the flesh and in the ether -- comment on what I write here and if I am writing about someone who reads this, that person in question reads those comments. I imagine it would feel a little like being ganged up on and a little like not being able to speak your side of the story. I honestly haven't experienced that yet, but I have a good imagination. This is the kind of shaming/passive aggressive thing I'm trying to avoid in my writing here.

On the other hand, the thing I miss at that secret blog -- the one no one knows the URL for -- is the commentary of those of you who read regularly and/or know me in person -- heck, even the completely objective perspective of the first time reader. I miss your wisdom and your insight. Sometimes I miss your pat on the shoulder or ::hug:: So that's the sacrifice I make, I guess, for having that free space to say whatever I want or need to say.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that this isn't so much an issue of freedom of speech as it is of me finding my personal ethic in writing about my life when I know that some of the players read this blog. It's about finding a way to communicate fairly (thanks to one of my commenters at LJ for giving me that clarity) and ethically while still remaining true to myself.

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