1) Enduring the irritated and jealous stares of plane passengers with neither a handicap nor a child under the age of 5 as I stand in the Pre-Boarding section waiting to get on the plane. I didn't make the rules, I just take advantage of them. And really, you should be appreciating the fact that while on the flight you will not have to wrestle with a child who would rather be anywhere but cramped in a seat that is too small for a five year old, let alone a 33 year old with a wiggly child (see #2), you will be able to deplane and get your luggage without juggling a baby who wants to wander in a crowded airport, and you won't have to spend the entirety of your flight time stressed to the point of losing hair because you can't quiet your child, who is making occasional happy squealing noises that cause people to glare at you with just as much irritation as if she were screaming bloody murder. Yeah, I may be a breeder, but you should be goddamn glad your mother was too.

2) Flying on a packed airplane -- as in NO empty seats -- with a one-year-old who's competing for the title of Ms. Fickle Wiggle Worm 2004. If the day comes where an airline actually makes concessions for children -- like having wider aisles and maybe even a play area, I will gladly pony up the extra bucks to fly. And just think -- all the baby hating people (see #1) could avoid that airline like the plague and everyone would be happier. Any millionaires out there interested in working out a vision statement?

3) Finding out that the company we've been paying to keep tabs on our credit score has been a little more than cautiously optimistic, sending us to mortgage officers with an inflated sense of our credit. This just pisses me off. And it's more than a little embarrassing to walk into a place with some kind of confidence, announcing that your credit score is xxx and you know it is because you JUST CHECKED IT, only to find out that the credit service is a miserable liar and the mortgage officer is doing all he can to keep from laughing outright that you had the audacity to actually think that having a large down payment might make a fucking difference. There is a 50 point difference in what I was getting in the report online vs. what the mortgage people came up with. That's not a small difference.

4) Having to help Jeff through a massive and undeserved guilt trip laid on him by his mother's family. Sometimes I really hate Jeff's family. His mother is sick, which we knew prior to coming to Arizona. Jeff planned on going to see her on Saturday. Apparently, that was not soon enough for his grandmother and aunt, who seem to think that now that Jasmine is out of the picture, Jeff will have all the time in the world to assume full time care of his mother. Of course, none of this was overtly expressed, and Jeff didn't get it, so his grandmother laid a nice mantle of shitty guilt around his shoulders via a phone call yesterday morning, making him feel like The Bad Son because he didn't get off the plane and hightail it to Prescott. Nevermind that if we don't have a house and he doesn't have a job, we won't be able to move here so he can assume the role of Mom Keeper. And they also neglected to express to him how sick she really is, until yesterday, of course, so now he's beating the shit out of hisself (which was the goal anyway) and wondering how he is going to handle the possibility of ending not just one life this year, boys and girls, but two. His daughter and his mother. What kind of cosmic bullshit is that? Oh, and the kicker? It didn't occur to his family that having to deal with this in regards to his mother just might stir up some sad, grieving feelings and flashbacks in regards to Jasmine!

5) Seeing a house I REALLY liked and knowing that, due to #3, we probably won't be able to get it. We won't leave houseless -- there are a few options for us and we will know by the day's end what we're doing. But damn! That house was the coolest one we've seen, with lots of personality, which is rare in Taco Bell neighborhoods, and I wanted it. We can afford it. We just can't have it because eighteen months of being on time with every freaking bill is apparently useless.

The only bright and glowing things about this trip are our time with D&B -- I am so excited about living within walking distance -- and that I found an excellent hair stylist who cut my hair EXACTLY the way I like it, which is no small feat because I am incredibly picky about it.

And there's nothing bad to report on the job front because Jeff hasn't gone out yet. Today's the day for that.

So please, pray to whoever you pray to -- we do not need to deal with another death this year, especially not Jeff's mom and especially not one in which he may again have to participate in making a decision to cut off someone's life support. We need a home. And Jeff needs a job. ::sigh::

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