Tuesday, Jul. 20, 2004 | 9:03 a.m.



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Feeeeeeelings

IAMFEELINGRUSHED! And invisible. And sad. And disappointed. And frustrated. Moving sucks!

Being in the midst of a cross country move is like being in between the worlds -- I am neither here nor there. I am jonesing for my friends, my community, but I simply don't have the luxury of hanging out. And I'm not in my new community yet, and even when I get there physically, I won't be there for awhile because I have to locate a house, get a contract on it, then close on it, then move my stuff into it and then unpack it. Jeez, just typing it makes me feel exhausted. So in the meantime, I'm like a ghost in both places, neither present nor absent.

And since school starts in Arizona on the 12th, this whole move has been sent zinging out of a slingshot, pieces trying to fly apart while Jeff and I frantically try to hold them together. What? No mortgage? Well, then we'll find another lender. What? That house has already been put under contract? Well, then we'll find another house. What? We have a flea infestation? Well, then we'll bomb the hell out of them, whether we want to or not, because we have to get rid of them and put this house on the market. What? Sick parents? Well, we'll just have to pray they do okay because we can't get there if we don't finish here. Ugh!

And so, to facilitate all this, I may have to leave Bloomington even sooner than I planned, leaving Jeff behind with Gabrielle, which worries me a bit because it's so easy to get depressed here alone, thinking about Jasmine when nothing's happening, let alone when packing and finding her stuff. The sooner I can go and get a house under contract the better because it means we can close sooner. We don't want to have to move twice. We have considered having me go out there and do this and then come back again, but all this flying is getting expensive and now that we're putting a decent sized chunk of change down for a house, we don't have all that much money to burn. Especially considering that we will need to float a little while Jeff finds a job, which won't happen until he gets to Arizona, and so here we are again at the beginning of this cycle.

Can I get off this merry-go-round now? And did I mention that my period started yesterday too? Nothing like a little hormonal angst to spice things up!

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Recent Entries ...
Go Here - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2006
Short, But Sad Good-bye - Sunday, Oct. 16, 2005
Jasmine's Story ... Our Story - Friday, Sept. 30, 2005
Ache - Thursday, Sept. 29, 2005
Twists & Turns - Tuesday, Sept. 27, 2005

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