Saturday, Sept. 25, 2004 | 8:47 a.m.



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Still More Coolness

Spectacular, Spectacular

Do you ever have a day that is so unbelievably bad that you wonder what you did in a past life to deserve it? That was yesterday for me. Yes, yesterday was spectacular, if by spectacular you mean "of the nature of a spectacle." A snippet, you ask?

We have lived in this house for almost six weeks and in that time, have been unable to have either the property owner or the home owner's association take responsibility for getting us a freaking mail key. We were ping-ponging with the post office too, until they pulled out their little book and said the mail box was definitely not their property. So we've had our mail on something called "will call" where they basically hold it for us because we can't get into our mail box.

So yesterday, I went to the post office to pick up the mail, and this incredibly rude bitch-of-a-postal worker slapped it down in front of me and declared that they weren't going to hold it anymore.

"But I don't have any way to get into the box."

"Uh huh."

"So... I can't get my mail out of it."

Uncaring silence.

So I decided to return pissy-for-pissy. "Okay. Well, then, here's how it will go down, ma'am. You will put mail in my inaccessible box until it is overflowing. That should take about two or three days, which is the amount of time I wait before coming to pick up my mail anyway. Then, your postal worker will bundle up that huge pile of stuff, which will now be in even worse shape than it is now, when I pick it up here, because y'all are so careful with my mail, and bring it back to the post office because my box was too full, and I will come pick it up. Just like now."

"Uh huh."

"Just so long as we're clear." And I walked out.

There was another worker in the lobby whose tag said manager. He witnessed the whole thing and I think he started to say something to me, but I was too pissed to stop. I hope he chewed that dumb bitch out when I left. Honestly? If she had delivered that bit of news in some other, even marginally pleasant way? I probably would have been fine with it and would have just put some serious screws to the property management people. But the fact that she was so goddamn insufferable made me instead want to gouge out her eyes and pee in the sockets.

I came home, convinced the universe was just out to smash me flat. I called Deeda, and she came over with another friend and I vented and bitched and drank wine and we read tarot cards for her friend and now I feel a lot better. Oh yes, and before she got there? I was opening a bottle of wine and the damned cork broke in two, forcing me to push the broken bit down into the bottle, and everytime I poured a glass, I had to pick little cork bits out of it. Yes. It was just that kind of day. Spectacular.

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