Thursday, Sept. 30, 2004 | 10:51 p.m.
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Just about every night, Jeff gives Nina a bath before I put her to bed. The weaning has been successful. Nina hasn't had any boobah for over a week and seems to be doing just fine. So where I used to nurse her while singing, I now just cuddle her while singing. We have four songs we go through every night -- "Rock-a-bye Baby," "Small Brown Seed," "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" and "Rhiannon." First, I sing the song with the lyrics, then I just hum the tune. Next, I take her over to the crib, hug her a minute, tell her good night, and lay her down with her pup pup, her kitty and her blanket. I turn on the music machine and leave the room. It takes about ten minutes all together.
Lately, when I take her into the room and turn off the lights, I sit quietly with her in my rocker for a minute before beginning the "routine." In that moment, Nina somehow becomes a trinity of my girls -- she is baby Jasmine, baby Gabrielle and baby Nina. I hold her close and it is like holding each one of them again, each girl once more a baby, each girl once more safe in my arms. No sickness, no mean girls, just me and my child safe at home, rocking in the rocking chair in a cool dark room. I bury my nose in her hair and breathe in the scent of all my children. I rub her back and her soft little legs and arms, and it is the softness of Jasmine, Gabrielle and Nina all in one. She melts into me, boneless, blinking quietly in the night, brushing my arm with her eyelashes. I murmur my love for her and it is the love of a mother for one and for all her children. She lays and listens, like she knows what is happening. It is our time.
This gift is incredibly peaceful and comforting and I wish those moments could go on forever. Like most things related to children, I know this too will change. But it's something unique to Nina, this channeling of her sisters, and I am grateful for it. We almost named her Trinity, but changed our minds because of the religious overtones, which really don't fit in with our own choices. It's funny though -- she still manages to embody it. To be the trinity, the blending of Jasmine and Gabrielle and the person that is uniquely Nina.
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