Thursday, Dec. 30, 2004 | 10:28 a.m.

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My friend, creda got me a cool book from my Amazon wish list called "Soul Catcher." No, it's not some horror novel (though if you know me well, I can understand why you might think so). It's a journal prompt book and it's pretty cool, even if it does make some assumptions about the human experience. ::grin::

So the first three prompts are about memories, and I thought maybe I'd share them here in case anyone is interested in meme-ing them:

My very first memory is
I have tried to forget
I wish I could remember

Hm. My very first memories are flashes. I see a flash of some kind of plant that looks like thick jade green roses, I see a long white car parked in the car port at my grandparent's apartment, I see an apartment bedroom with white walls and have a memory of my parents trying to put a cloth diaper on me there even though I was way past old enough to need one. I was a bed wetter and I think they were at their wit's end trying to figure out what to do with me. Many of my earliest memories are from my Aunt Kathy's house, which is probably why that house figures so prominently in my dreamscapes. Aunt Kathy isn't really a blood aunt, but a family friend. Still, I spent a lot of time at her house, up until I graduated from high school. She sold the house a year or two after that. I still visit it whenever I'm in the area. Weird, huh?

Anyway, my two earliest, most vivid memories from there include a loser threatening me with a needle when I wandered into the kitchen looking for my parents. He was shooting some woman up with it and told me I would be next if I didn't get out of there. I never told my parents about this until many, many years later. Dad was pretty upset about it, thinks he knows who said it.

The next is a solitary one -- I was napping on the couch in the living room alone. I woke up in the mid-afternoon, and the setting sun was shining through a crack in the curtains. I can still remember the dusky smell of good cooking and incense, lemony and thick, and there was dust floating in the air. I sleepily peered at that curtain and I couldn't tell if I was awake or dreaming. For years after that, I would have moments of wondering if everything was a dream and I would wake up four or five years old, having dreamt my whole life. Wouldn't that be something? Reincarnation encapsulated in a dream... I could take different roads, end up in different places... anyway, those are some of my earliest memories (ha -- I typed dreams instead of memories).

I have tried to forget some of the stupid things I did growing up -- mostly treating my friends badly. I really had no idea how to treat people in my teens and it's a wonder I had any friends at all. I could make excuses for my behavior, but the bottom line is, sometimes it was so awful I'd like to forget it -- I'd like to forget the low self-esteem and fears of scarcity that led to it.

I wish I could remember all the trivial facts that my mind drops every day like so much unwanted trash. It's like there's a capacity or something, and I'm full. I don't really have any lost time in my life and I can remember the sounds and smells of those who have passed, so I can't think of anything profound here, but I sure hate when I'm playing a game or having a conversation and I can't recall something I used to know.

Some random housecleaning: I keep forgetting to mention that Jeff has started his own blog -- javias. It's, um, a bit more passionate and less PC than mine. I prodded him to start it to have a home for his political rants, so don't go there if you don't want to read posts from an irritated liberal. I still have six Gmail invites if anyone out there doesn't have a Gmail account and wants one. Leave a comment or email me.

Jeff got me a U2 iPod for Solstice -- very cool and very unexpected. It came with a coupon for the new U2 box set, which I downloaded last night -- it rocks!!! I also have the new Nirvana set, which I am waiting to listen to until I have the time to give it the attention it deserves, and a boxed set called "Left of the Dial," which includes a lot of alternative stuff from the 80's. Lots o' listening goodness awaits...

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