Friday, Apr. 22, 2005 | 8:36 a.m.
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Nina is sick -- again -- with an awful cold this week. If I hadn't had an amniocentesis that showed she does not have the CF gene, I would seriously wonder. This one has brought a three day fever, tugging on her ear, a croupy cough and runny nose. Oh, and the cranky. Did I mention the cranky? Yesterday she refused to take a nap on top of it.
We're 99.9% sure she has allergies at least on the level of Jeff's. She hasn't been tested because we don't have insurance (yet) and testing is expensive. I'm worried they're going to find she's allergic to our animals, or that whatever allergies she does have will be enough that she doesn't need the added irritation of all the animal hair. If we have to get rid of our animals, it's going to crush us. We never had problems like this in Bloomington, but then, we also had hardwood floors in half the house and a basement that the cats spent a great deal of time in. Add in a better backyard for the dogs, and it equals a hell of a lot less hair and dander in the house. final piece of the equation - the air quality here sucks, contrary to information released in the 50's about how therapeutic Arizona is for lung ailments. Nowadays, Arizona is one of the worst places to live with allergies and asthma.
And if the allergen angst isn't enough, I'm also anxious about taking Nina to the doctor for an illness. I know I'm being unreasonable and illogical about it, but the feeling of deep dread is still there. I've probably put off the appointment longer than I should have because of it, and for certain Nina is behind on her immunizations. The kids don't have a pediatrician, and they should. It's easy to blame the non-insurance, but the bottom line is that I have the willies about doctors. Every trip to a medical facility is a revisitation of Jasmine's battlefield and an emotional ordeal. I think of taking Nina in and images of what they would have done to Jasmine haunt me. I know Nina isn't Jasmine and I know they'll treat her differently, but thinking about taking her to the doctor this morning has giant river roaches scratching around in my tummy.
So whatever. I'll suck it up and take her in. But it isn't easy and the temptation to find reasons why Jeff should do it alone is great. I won't give in to that temptation and I will do it afraid (if afraid is an apt description of how I feel -- I don't think it is) and most likely when it's all over I'll be fine. I have to recognize, though, the part of me that wants to avoid the doctor, doesn't want to hear that Nina has any kind of underlying condition that is going to require care and special consideration -- even something as controllable as allergies. Maybe that won't be the case, at least not today. And I'll have to deal with this sooner or later. Parenting = dealing with shit sometimes. But I don't have to like it.
Recent Entries ...
Go Here - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2006
Short, But Sad Good-bye - Sunday, Oct. 16, 2005
Jasmine's Story ... Our Story - Friday, Sept. 30, 2005
Ache - Thursday, Sept. 29, 2005
Twists & Turns - Tuesday, Sept. 27, 2005
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