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Entry from July 10: Screaming Mimis

Eighth:

Breathe, Monica, just breathe. I'm not sure what happened while I was gone, but I came home to a Nina whose first way of letting anyone know she's even the slightest bit unhappy is to screech at the top of her lungs like Ireland's loudest bean sidhe. Not only that, but crying as first resort and stamping her foot! I don't know if it's just a normal development, if it was the only way she could get attention, or if it's something she picked up from her cousins, but it is driving. me. insane.

I had a couple of dreams about Nina while I was gone. The first came before we even got to camp. Nina had a bruised and broken cheekbone. Jeff was holding her and she was very still. It had happened while I was gone, and I felt like I was neglectful. I told Jeff I was going to scrap the idea of going back to school because someone had to stay home with Nina.

The second dream came after I got there, and this one was even more graphic and disturbing. In this one, Nina had her right hand cut off and I couldn't find anyone to help us. It was brilliantly bloody, blood everywhere and I was trying to staunch the flow.

All the transitioning is hardest on her, I fear. This summer hasn't been great for Miss Nina -- first the new job with Jeff, meaning he was gone for most of her waking hours, then I went to camp and she had a completely new and somewhat unfamiliar caretaker. In the midst of that week, Jeff's schedule changed and he had to start sleeping more during the day. Then I came home and immediately started school, which requires me to be gone for about five hours a day. Considering all this, I guess it's no surprise that she's using these newfound skills to get attention.

I keep telling myself she'd be making this adjustment either way -- if I went to school or went to work. It doesn't matter. Either way I feel guilty, and then I feel dumb for feeling guilty. Can someone just wave a wand over me and make me a well-adjusted adult, please? And while you're at it, can you mute Nina until she's over the squealing?

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