Monday, Sept. 05, 2005 | 10:25 a.m.
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Whatever work I've done on body image, I still associate getting thinner with being sexy and I still hate Jeff for losing his extra ten pounds in two seconds and then converting part of it back into muscle. I can look in the mirror -- progress. I can even find something to like -- more progress. But when I think of seeing myself as beautiful or sexy, I think of thin, with longer hair. Why can't I see beauty or sexiness now? Jeff says he sees it. Why do I feel like he's just trying to make me feel better? Why can't I shed the need for external validation (which I then don't believe anyway)? Nothing like a few rhetorical questions to start the day, I guess.
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