Comments:

star - 2004-04-26 09:48:48
I just read these posts after being away at the 'Devil' weekend at the Grove. We talked about selling our souls for the various things we sell our souls for...connection, love, financial security, emotional protection, to be heard and seen as someone...you get the idea. The main thing that resonated with me was the idea that I sell my soul when I hold a piece of it back. When I enter a 'contract', job, decision, relationship, passion, and don't give it my entire soul...that's when the 'devil' gets his due. So, I have a new perspective around decision making...Can I give this my whole soul? If not...then I shouldn't be doing it. I stepped off of IPP because I can't give leadership at the Grove my whole soul. I renogtiated some contracts with my husband and kids because I haven't been giving them my whole soul out of fear and a need to be anti-dependent and as invulnerable as possible. I reconsider my job(s) regularly because I don't feel like I'm giving them my soul...I keep my day job because, well, it pays good and affords me a lot of freedom. That is selling my soul. I am selling my soul for a paycheck, to keep a house I love, and the mental security of a paycheck that happens every week regardless of what else happens in the world...it's not because data entry and bookkeeping are my passion! So...I am not telling you what I think you should do, but telling you what I've learned about myself and how I intend to wage my decisions from now on. I love you guys.
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Me - 2004-04-26 11:01:39
Thanks... I will keep this in mind as we work through this decision.
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Amber - 2004-04-26 11:56:50
Hello Monica, Well this whole thing about you guys not knowing weather to move or not. Well I'm going to tell you guys that it is all up to you really, but I know that we really were so happy to here that you guys were going to move back. Waylon said "I miss them so much. Am glad they are moving back." It would make our family so happy to have you guys back home, cause we miss you guys so much.But like I said its all up to what you guys want. I love you guys give the girls kisses for us.
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Marcy - 2004-04-26 11:57:11
I think Heather makes a lot of sense...if Jeff can get a job there, it doesn't hurt to stay another year. And your analogy about new glasses is perfect...whenever I get a new prescription, the world is too IN focus for me to see it clearly...only after a week or so do I see things how they really are. The wait time for you will be much longer, and a year is a traditional period of mourning for a reason, I think. The only danger is that you set your current roots even deeper, and that will make it harder to move later, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Also, you may want to re-examine the idea that you are holding on to the idea of moving as a way to hold on to Jasmine (Before vs. After worlds, as you said)...it was a decision you had planned Before. But staying could also be a way of holding on to her. You have to re-evaluate your family's After needs and honor those...Jasmine will be always be with you, no matter where you live, and the memories you have of her will always be there, even if you move somewhere that has no association with her...you will see a dragonfly, and think of her, or hear her favorite song, or taste a new food you know she would have loved...those things are part of you and will remain so forever, no matter where you choose to live.
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Me - 2004-04-26 12:24:24
Thanks, guys... more grist for the mill. Jeff is getting a haircut right now and will start job hunting tomorrow. In the meantime, we are still planning to take our trip to AZ in June, we'll be there for a week and it will be a good time to think while we're there. Jeff has been reading these comments too. I have to say, Mom telling us the temp. was 103 yesterday did NOT weigh well! :-)
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Leslie - 2004-04-26 15:57:23
Paging Monica! Well... if you still decide to move, I've got great news to help (and it helps anyway). Drop me a line as soon as you get a chance - and glad to hear your dad is doing better. Leslie
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Heather - 2004-04-26 19:49:16
What Marcy said was well put. And when're we getting our visit? Huhh? :)
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Rowan - 2004-04-26 20:14:32
I think that postponing and thinking about the move wouldn't hurt. I think that there have been so many changes in your family as of late that this would be another one to contend with. I know from personal experience that a lot of major changes at one time is very overwhelming, and that it skewed my perspective. I am always for taking time to wait for the right moment to appear. I think you will know when that moment is. Like we talked about at the March MS weekend, in order to make a good, strong sword, a blacksmith has to hold it in the fire long enough- if he pulls it out too fast, the blade is brittle and doesn't make a good tool. Eventually, the fire burns away all the impurities, and the truth appears.
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Rowan - 2004-04-26 20:15:46
Oh, and though you probably already know, I love you guys and respect any decision that you make.
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Me - 2004-04-26 21:14:06
Whether we wait is totally dependent on whether Jeff gets a job. We're just going to sit out the next few weeks and see what happens. I have a meeting with my old boss on Wednesday to find out what's going on at "The Farm" these days. Leslie, I will call tomorrow -- I'm sorry I've missed you. It's been crazy. Heather, I think we're still on for this summer, though depending on Jeff's employment status, it may just be me and the girls. :-)
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Heather - 2004-04-26 22:10:54
Well, I'll take anyone I can get. :) But seriously, you come when you're ready. I'm not going anywhere, and the door is always open.
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Marshaster - 2004-04-27 08:28:56
I hope that you can take some time and look deeply into what is best for you and Jeff and the girls. Coming back home after being away, I found such a heartwarming sense of community here. This is the only place I have lived where I felt so connected and it is probably for a variety of reasons, dependent on me, but I do think the size of the community and the MidWest culture are part of it. I wonder if I would have had a similar experience somewhere else. Ultimately, your choice has no right and wrong- it is just one path or another. I love you no matter what you do.
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Robbin - 2004-04-27 08:55:34
On a selfish level, Il is closer to me :) but AZ gives me a warm vacation spot... so it's a split for me. However something else to consider for a postponement anyways, Gabby. I know life has been hectic for her, how would this move affect her? Would it be better for her now to stabilize in Il and have her friends that she has had to support her since she moved there and give her her mourning period or is it better to let her go back to AZ and start over there? I don't have that answer but it is something to think about if a job presents itself to Jeff. Maybe a year of collective gathering would give you a better foundation to move on, if you decide to go. Either way - you have my support.
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LaWanda - 2004-04-27 10:42:59
Boy I don't envy you. You do have a very tough decision to make. All I can say is do what you feel is right in your heart. I'm sure Jeff can find a job in either IL or AZ. Consider what's good for the girls and the two of you. Also, for what it's worth, I would move cross country to be closer to my family, especially my parents, as they continue to age, their time here on earth shortens. Good Luck!!! I would love to see you back in AZ and get to spend time watching the girls grow up though!! :-)
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Me - 2004-04-27 16:14:07
Thanks everyone... figuring out what's best for everyone is one of the hardest things. We're still talking about it -- no decisions have been made yet.
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Deborah - 2004-04-27 22:55:10
**Sigh** I got back yesterday from a seminar in Tucson, three full days of Essential Oil Blending and alchemy with an incredible teacher. It would be rather impossible to explain the responses I've had (yes, that's plural) to reading your journal entries. I vacillate wildly between wanting to say nothing and needing to say a lot. I will then say a little� I read the entries for the last say, week, in one sitting yesterday. Maybe if I had been spoon fed them, I would have a different impression, however, it seems to me a decision has been made, possibly temporarily, but made nonetheless. There are sacrifices in everything we do, even in following our passions, or maybe especially in following our passions. I wholly support you in living authentically. Namaste. ~Deborah/ThaliaSun
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